Homesickness

Rob and I talk A LOT about how much we miss Alabama. Its funny because when we lived there we would always talk about how much we wanted to move "home" to Ohio. I guess things changed so gradually over time that we didn't realize that Mobile actually was our home. Every time I start feeling sad about our decision to move I look at old pictures on the computer and it just makes it worse. I really need to stop doing that to myself.

Living in Mobile was hard. We were all on our own. Twelve hours away from our family. Nobody except a few friends to help us. But we didn't realize how great it was also. We did our own thing. Nobody else's expectations. I used to get annoyed that the weather was almost always warm and Christmas time never felt like Christmas. But guess what? Now I miss it. I suppose being stuck inside for months with 2 energetic little boys and a newborn will do that to you.

Looking through old pictures I realize just how much I miss our old house. It was small. We were outgrowing it. Especially now with 3 kids we'd be bursting at the seams. But still I miss it. Rob and I put so much work into it. Not just the normal stuff like paint either. Rob laid hardwood floors and new tile. We installed crown molding, wainscoting, beadboard,  board and batten. We made it cute. I miss how in the evenings sun would stream through the back windows. I miss our old backyard. It was so small. But I spent countless hours out there alone with Brady and then Carson when Rob was at work. And then when Rob was home from work he spent even more time out there chasing Brady and Frank around.

I miss so much more. Going to the beach, our old church. The park. Bible study friends, exercise friends. Good food. Grocery shopping at Target as an excuse to go there 4 times a week! Our life was so much simpler then. And to be honest I'm not sure if what I miss most is Mobile itself or just our simple life that we had. It seems like everything is so much more complicated and messy up here.

We have talked a lot about moving back. Rob tells me at least twice a week that he's ready to leave whenever I am. But I don't think I could leave here. Could I? I feel so guilty. Guilt over leaving my family, who has been such a help to us over the past year. Guilt that the boys LOVE and ADORE their Grandma and Grandpa and cousin Macy so much. We live in a house twice the size of our old one. In a  GREAT neighborhood. We can walk to the park and to our kids future school. We are surrounded by 3 other great families with stay at home moms like myself who have all become wonderful friends. Cincinnati is a much larger city with so many more things to do. Culture and recreation and more activities to be involved in. It's just what I wanted. Or so I thought. Why would we ever want to move back to Mobile and be on our own again? Especially now that we have 3 kids instead of just one or two.

I think I'm going through some funk right now. Sometimes when I get up to nurse Eleanor in the middle of the night these thoughts consume me and I have such a hard time falling back to sleep. We are planning a trip back to visit at the end of March to check on our house. I'm pretty sure I am going to burst into tears when we walk in it and I see someone else's stuff in there. I don't even know how to process those thoughts.